Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Random Rumblings of a Low and Restless Heart and Mind

Well, let's see how far this gets because I am having key board trouble again. I have the rubber keyboard stretched out to my right and I hit keys as I need them, like a keyboard player.

Mood: Low. For sure.

First, too damn hot! Crap hot! Way too fucking hot (Pat, I'd like to buy an h). The electric company visited me and the neighbor. They allowed as they wouldn't turn anyone off during the awful heat. I paid my bill ($242 through August 1), but I don't know about them. I think their gas is still off.

Second, employment and taxes. I don't know which is worse. I think taxes. While job apps are intimidating, tax crap is worse. I need help and everyone offers phone numbers. No one seems to want to introduce personally anymore. I hate the pone for this! Remember when the EAP person had to call Kaiser for me that first time to contact a psychiatrist for me? This is the same thing--shame and humiliation for needing the help, fear of being rejected, or worse, used and taken advantage of and ending up getting taken, both by the helper and IRS/DOR.

I forgot to mention: Missouri has tied the nursing license to tax debt. So I can't even job hunt in Mo. Topeka has not been heard from since I sent the full document to them back in May so I have no idea what is going on there. I have no idea how to job hunt for a non-nursing job.

I don't need a lot of money or hours. I've broke down my basic expenses six ways to sunday and I can tell you that if I make $120-$150 a week I can support myself. I wouldn't be able to save much of anything, but I could leave my savings alone for a little while.

Thirdly, getting very pessimistic about our country and world. Sin every where--just too much. If you think it happens somewhere else it happens every where. Right here in KC--some kittens had to be rescued from some kids who were killing animals. Beyond rescuing two cute kittens, the neighbors were too afraid to do more. I swear, people who are "nice" are going to end up having to take up violent opposition to those who are not nice, who are evil. We will have to defend the weak and helpless, not with words, not with bread but with guns. Is it OK to stand up to evil with strength of that nature? Does God honor that?

I think our standard of living will go down. Oh, I forgot about this, but Rush went on the most interesting rant today. He said that our "standard of living" was all built on debt. Our poverty, which looks like no other country's poverty is all an illusion, built on debt. People really couldn't afford how they were living. All those McMansions out there in southern Overland Park and Leawood--can you really afford that? It is amazing how you can use credit to build a house of cards--and one hiccup can cause the thing to fall. One thing I can say about all my junk: It's all mine. Car, house, crap, cats: I own it all outright. (Except for Jeff City's lien...)

Finally, back to the big world again. The coursing of our culture. It's funny to go home to Vermont and see all the White kids running around with baggy pants and straight brims on their ball caps. It vies with the A and F crowd, with the tight caps with bent brims, tight pants or baggy cargos. Women wearing tight shirts that show every roll, and skirts/shorts that are far too short and neck lines that dip far too low. And tattoos--every where, including the ubiquitous "tramp stamp' which may now be so ubiquitous that it is no longer trampy.

Worse than everyone's dress is everyone's self centered tendencies--the entitlement culture and the center of the universe culture. On Drudge there was a link about how a lady is being charged with assault because she tapped a guy on the shoulder in order to get his attention so she could speak to him about texting in a movie theater. He whines and says he hurt his neck--she says he whipped around so hard and fast that his reaction is what injured him! Stupid!

Well, this has been good, to get this out. I know that I am going to have to confront the tax demon--I just need to confront my reluctance to ask for help first. I need someone willing to do a little hand holding. Once I start building some kind of relationship I am OK. The action point is closer now then it was when I started writing this drivel. Now, my job is to keep pushing it and pushing it until it results in action, and at least to hold the point, hold the ground that has been won with hard work and fighting.

This hill is mine, I earned it, me and God, and we are not giving it up without a fight!!!

Photo is from the movie about the Vietnam battle over Hill 937 in 1969--one of the bloodiest battles in the Vietnam war.

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